IT’S ALL OR NOTHING, VALE: Valentina’s Advice for Dealing With Failure

What would you do if you could no longer do the thing you were best at? In It’s All or Nothing, Vale by Andrea Beatriz Arango, Valentina Camacho is figuring out who she is after an accident changes her life forever.

Vale is a competitive fencing star. She’s nationally ranked, the top-ranked athlete at her fencing gym, and thrives on being the best. She’s a bit of a perfectionist, a mindset that fuels her as she trains hard and dedicates all of her time, energy, and headspace to be the very best at what she does. Fencing is her passion. It’s who she is, and there’s nothing she wants more than to keep shining at the top. But a motorbike accident changes everything for her, leaving her struggling to walk – let alone compete.

When Vale is finally cleared to fence again, she couldn’t be more excited to get back to what she loves most and be her old self again. But her return to the sport she loves doesn’t go the way she hoped. She quickly realizes that her body doesn’t move the same way it used to and that a new girl, Myrka, has overtaken her top spot at the gym. It’s tough for Vale because she’s made fencing her entire identity, and she isn’t sure who she is if she’s not the best.

This heartfelt (and a little heartbreaking – grab the tissues!) and hopeful novel in verse showcases Vale’s emotional journey and the inner workings of her mind as she tries to put her life back together and find her new normal. It’s a lyrical, authentic glimpse into Vale’s mindset and struggles as she navigates not just her injuries and new disability, but first crushes, sports rivalries, new friendships, family dynamics, and self-discovery. She’s a seriously strong girl who realizes that it’s okay to fall apart a little bit while you pick yourself back up and that you’re more than just the things you’re best at. Vale discovers there are lots of things that bring joy, plenty of ways to find your power, and that your dreams, even the biggest ones, can change.

Even if you’ve never dealt with a life-altering accident or event like she does, we all face failure, make big choices, let go of dreams that were once vitally important to us, and put way too much pressure on ourselves to be perfect. Vale learns so much during her emotional journey in the story that we asked her to share some of her advice with our readers. (Written by author Andrea Beatriz Arango, of course.)

Valentina’s Advice for Dealing With Failure (Especially If You’re Kind of Used to Winning All The Time):

VALE: If you’re anything like me, then you probably read the title of this advice column and thought: “That could never be me.” I know because I used to think that way, too! I spent so much time training, so much time competing, so much time winning, that I never even bothered to consider what I would do if something changed. 

And I’ll be honest, when things did change, I didn’t handle it great. I was so focused on not wanting to feel like a failure that I kind of forgot who I was for a bit. I forgot that I’m more than just my wins, you know?

Anyways, I’ve been doing better lately, and trying lots of new things, so I figured why not try to write an advice column and share everything I learned? Maybe it’ll be helpful to others like me. So: here you go. My 5 top tips for dealing with failure:

You don’t actually have to be perfect:

I used to think that If I wasn’t the absolute best at something, it wasn’t worth my time. Sometimes I would try something once and then quit, because I couldn’t handle feeling like I was bad at it, you know? But that meant all I ended up doing with my free time was fencing, because it felt like the only activity I ever won.

And it turns out there are so many other things I enjoy doing! Salsa dancing, for example. I really like salsa dancing. And playing on my friend’s Nintendo Switch! (Even if I die all the time.)

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I know it can be hard to turn off that perfection switch. Especially if other people in your life are pressuring you too. But it’s been such a relief to just let myself do things just for fun… And I bet it would be a relief for you too. What would you try (just for fun) if you weren’t so worried about how to succeed?

It’s okay to tell people how you feel:

I feel a little silly when I think back on all this now, cause I had so many people in my life who wanted to help me when I was going through (what I thought was) failure after failure…  My brother, for example. My parents. My friends. But I was so convinced they’d never understand what I was feeling that I never even gave them the chance to try!

So remember: Just because someone hasn’t gone through the exact same experience as you doesn’t mean they can’t still listen and be there for you. Sometimes it can even be helpful to listen to the perspectives of people outside of your circle (in my case, people who weren’t competitive fencers, haha).

I’m not saying you have to tell everyone everything all the time… but if you’re upset, try sharing with a person or two. It might help more than you think.

Dreams can change and there’s nothing wrong with that:

I’ll be honest. If you had asked me a year ago, I would have said my life dream was to be a professional fencer. If you had asked me five years ago, I would have said the same. Me and fencing? We go way back.

But the thing is, people change. For me, my big change was an injury, but your change could simply be that you stopped liking something. Or your dream started being more stressful than it was worth. The reason why doesn’t matter, what’s important to remember is that you are allowed to change your mind. Always.

Use whatever words feel good to you. You’re the only one who knows you best:

Speaking of changing your mind… Your dreams aren’t the only things allowed to change, you know. Before I met Myrka, I never knew I liked girls like that. And before my physical therapy sessions, I didn’t realize how many people were disabled or had chronic pain.

Last year, I only ever described myself as Puerto Rican and a fencer. But there are so many other words now that also feel good to describe who I am. It’s not a failure to switch some words out for others. To switch labels that just don’t fit anymore. Discovering who you are is not a race – there is no losing. It’s just you becoming you.

And finally…

Every single person you have ever met has felt like a failure at least once:

That’s right! Every. Single. Person. It’s a mind thing. We love to compare ourselves to others, whether it’s comparing our skills, our lives, our accomplishments, or anything else.

And you know what, it might feel good for a while. I used to love comparing myself to other fencers and feeling like I was on top. But remember how I said everyone will feel like a failure at least once? That includes you. And if all you ever do is compare yourself to others, then an accident like mine can really mess you up. It’ll make you ask yourself things like who am I if I’m not the best, and I hope you realize by now that that’s not a very kind way to look at yourself.

We will all sometimes win. And we will all sometimes lose. So we might as well get rid of all the pressure, right?

You can be special just being you.

📚MORE AMAZING READS: It’s All or Nothing, Vale isn’t the only new book hitting shelves in February. Check out our YAYBOOKS! Roundup for 40 brand new reads!